Sweat shop managers step up grey and wine jumper output thanks to Minister Quinn

Ireland's Minister for Education and Skills Ruairi Quinn forced hundreds of sweat shops in Laos, Bangladesh, Vietnam and Cambodia to increase their output of XXXL grey v-necked sweaters and XXXL wine v-necked sweaters yesterday, in response to his announcement that parents ought to be polled about the possibility of a reduction in the costs of Ireland's school uniforms.

Quinn wrote an international draft for €25.00 - made out to "The Sweatshop Boys" - which management and staff at the clothing factories will be forced to scrabble over. Quinn made a few doodles on the envelope into which he placed the money order. The scrawls - rendered to look like an approximation of Thai script -  were given the imprimatur of what appeared to be a genuine South-East Asian postal address, through Quinn's clever use of a stamp and an AerPhwisshhhht sticker, in the top right hand corner of the envelope.

At a press conference, Minister Quinn insisted that "the cheque will get there", nodding convincingly. He holds a personal hope that the money will ultimately reach the laundry and recycling facility in Lockahore Province that he had recently seen a report about on Upworthy. The video - which nearly brought him to tears, and compelled him to watch a compilation of kitten rescue operation videos afterwards on the same site "for a bit of a break from the compassion fatigue" - showed how unmarried mothers are provided with employment and accommodation at the facility. The women are taken off the streets of the city of Bangahore - where they are found to be filthy dirty, filthy, dirty filthy women - and set to work stitching, sewing and ironing clothes. He left the press conference to head up a Dail committee which is researching possibilities by which each national school in Ireland could adopt a cat.