Ideal Christmas Gifts: Product Review

The - - Ladies and gentlemen I give you the

Microwave Egg Poacher.

Simply place your egg into the containment unit, set the microwave for one of your earth minutes, and once the timer alerts you to the fact that your minute is up, open the oven door.
The egg will be
GONE!
How is it poached exactly? A kind of sped-up slow-cooking process?
A temperature adjustment of some kind midway through?
No way man! No way, you idiot!
Using anti-drip technology and harnessing the powers of quantum entanglement, a portal sends the egg out to the Land of the Grogochs, and one of them receives the egg in his firetop pot, whereupon he or a close family member gobbles up that poached egg pretty quickly.
What - pray tell - is a Grogoch?
YOUR NEW PENPAL!
For a small subscription fee, your sponsored grogoch will send you letters and photos direct to your online device, showing you how much he appreciates your eggs.

Grogochs are fairies who have lived in Ireland for thousands of years, originally from Scotland, naked and covered in twigs and other detritus that they have picked up over the course of their long, bucket-carrying lives.
Like many in the fair-folk community, the grogoch has a rational and natural fear of the clergy - they won't enter any home where there's a priest present.

The grogoch will also send you a recipe book about how to cook SIX KINDS OF EGGS.

Fried.
Boiled.
Cadbury's Creme
Ostrich.
Stolen by a grogoch.
Other kinds.
NO MATTER WHAT, YOU WILL ENJOY YOUR POACHED EGG EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE DONATED IT TO THIS MAGICAL CREATURE.
Thanks to a 28-day guarantee, you can save up to 90 percent of the costs of the whole kit by selling photos of this incredible creature to the media. They won't believe it.
Thank you bye.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Review: JIHADI A Love Story by Yusuf Toropov

Image
With a fantastic opening purportedly penned by a recently deceased narrator and edited via running commentary by a secondary narrator, JIHADI: A Love Story is written by Yusuf Toropov. The emotional intelligence of the main protagonist and the story itself are high on the list of pluses at the outset. Although many expectations are confounded throughout the story, the expectation of more confusion, while reading the opening pages, does not bear out. So if you find yourself asking: “What’s this about?”, just power on through the opening five pages. The quality of the writing will draw you in at the outset. But the plot is riveting, and it all starts to become fairly clear fairly quickly. It’s one of those novels that merits a second read not because of its difficulty, but because of the prose's beauty. In terms of plot, there is so much to it that there are things you may miss the first time out. Among much else, readers may find they are reading the novel for its story, and then
Read more

Dead Men Naked by Dario Cannizzaro

Image
Dario Cannizzaro’s narrator Louis, the protagonist of Dead Men Naked (available at Amazon ), loses his best friend Neil in a bizarre, seemingly hallucinogenic near-remote attack from an attic window as they stand in the same room, by Lou’s neighbour and a giant crow. Given the tequila and other substances taken, it is difficult to determine what exactly occurred through the narrator’s eyes. But Louis comes round the following morning worse-for-wear; he finds his friend’s body, realises that what happened was no dream, and summons the authorities to the scene. Strange beginnings complement a funeral where Neil’s parents end up consoling him as much as vice versa. On the trip, while Lou drowns his sorrows, he meets Mallory at a nearby, not-so-nearby dive, and begins an exploration of the spirit world. The journey is a theme in this novel, the roadside scenery described with a vivid and subtle poetry throughout. Also beautifully captured are aspects relationships – for instance,
Read more

The Survival Girls Book Review

Image
The Survival Girls book: http://thesurvivalgirls.com/ Among her other achievements, Ming Holden gained the top prize in a Glimmer Train fiction contest in 2013. The email announcing her win came into my busy inbox one morning last year, and I almost deleted it. I clicked on it, more to get it marked as read than anything else, and I glanced at some words of acceptance from the prizewinner of the latest story competition, with a quote from Madeleine Albright and something about the power of intentionality. “Politics and philosophy,” I thought. When I clicked through beyond the teaser (which DID NOT do her writing-advice piece justice, although quoting a Democrat-appointed cabinet secretary, and a bit of philosophy will - surprisingly - get me clicking at anything), there was a wonderful Obamaesque idealism in Holden’s jesuitical plea to write for others, once you have an intended readership in your head. That readership can be the EMO kids, the dispossessed, the refugees, the voice
Read more