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Top tip. Apparently the elderly are getting into the biking and the painting, and between the mud and the grandkids, the clothes are being feckin destroyed. But if you put a bit of Vanish on, and use the scoop to mash it in before you put on a wash, you'll be feckin' sorted out!


I usually hike up the local mountain, and dump my rubbish there so I don't have to pay for it.
But now they're talking about hiking bin charges!

Is there nowhere we can hike to dump our rubbish any more? That has to be the last straw I will dump up there, from my McDonald's Happy Meal.

"I appreciate your sense of humour" sometimes actually means "If anyone else had said what you just said, there would be a tribunal."

Fiction Facts: "VI Warshawski" was originally supposed to be called "Six Warshawski" but they mispronounced it at the printer's.

Israel has cut the water to the West Bank during Ramadan.
It's not "No Ramadan for YOU!"
It's "No! Ramadan for YOU! 24-7!"

My new cop drama tv pilot has Constable Gareth Drabs and his work partner, Inspector Jim Little Dribs, solving murders. I want to call it something like "Cagney and Lacey", but more silly. Trying to think...

Calling Nutella "The Hazelnut Spread" is a bit like calling a hamburger a "hamburger". Coz it's usually mostly beef in it. Just a bit of ham. And some rats' toes and stuff.

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