Ragtag Giggagon

The #TwitterApp stopped working on my phone - it failed to log me on for a few days, even when I put in the password. Twitter got in touch a few days later to let me know that the issue had been fixed and to try to log on again. I removed the app rather than try again. I could still log in on my browser, and on the computer. Why I removed the Twitter app: You have a limited number of characters to compose a tweet. People have been attacked for racism, misogyny, militancy, flatulence, and flatulent militancy because they can't properly articulate their positions in 140 characters or less. Here's the prahhhh-blem: If you're composing a tweet and you need to switch to another window (if you've received a text message, or you want to check your email or the InterWeb to confirm things before you tweet, or someone has called you), then, once you return to the Twitter app to finish your mini-epistle, your half-written tweet has disappeared. The aching concision involved in twe...

A round up of the year, with an anti-Spanish bias! Janyay In Janyay, Ariel Sharon died. The former Israeli Prime Minister had a stroke in 2006 and he decided to see the New Year 2014 in with his own death after years in a coma. Like Yasser Arafat, he died of renal failure. Like Yasser Arafat, he died after a coma. He woke up dead on January 1st. Apparently a former general, he wasn't very hawkish, putting him in the same league as Michael Jackson in many respects, except more overweight and less aggressively cosmetically enhanced. Febyay This year's Valentine's Day was celebrated by many. [KISSY KISSY.] March This year, St. Patrick's Day was celebrated by many. [GLUG GLUG GLUG.] April The anniversary of the death of Margaret Thatcher took place from the year before. May May Day! May Day! I can't remember any things that happened! June The World Cup was held in South America for the first time since it was supposed to be held there the last time. In 1986, Colombia w...

Muslim cartoonists are today using advanced technology - similar to that employed by forensic animators to reconstruct the death of Princess Diana - to entertain children. Umar al-Jasri is working for an Oakland animation studio on a ten episode web series for children. The cartoon will feature a talking cat named Socks who drives a wind-up car. Although the cat often crashes the car as part of a running joke throughout the series, he usually emerges unscathed.   Cat When the suggestion was put to al-Jasri that forensic experts may have used similar technology to animate reconstructions of Princess Diana's fatal car crash in a Paris tunnel over a decade ago, the Muslim animator readily admits that they probably did. “You know, techniques like [the ones I use] would be rendered from real life situations. So it is very possible that any reconstruction technology that was used in the late Lady Di re-enactments by forensic animators are probably used today by other animators. Particul...

Santa’s Last Stand (Part Three) Part Two here . Me Ma didn’t answer him. She’s still asleep, you could tell by her breathin’. I couldn’t believe that Santy knew me Ma, but when I think about it now, a lot of men know me Ma. I’s very quiet then as he stood up straight again. Then I think he must’ve seen me in the corner of his eye, lookin’ at him from the door, but he didn’t say nothin’ to me. He started actin’ more like Santy, playin’ it up for me. Ho ho ho, he says, in a deep voice. I think he puts on an act for the kids most of the time. He reached into his sack and then I could see it comin’ out in his hand. Blood Lust 2! He put it down beside the Christmas tree and says ho ho ho again. I’s very quiet then. He reached into his sack and he pulled out a Steven Gerrard Liverpool jersey! Number 17, his old number. Gerrard’s me favourite player but there’s all these stories goin’ round about him movin’ to the Blues. I hope he stays at Anfield. He says he doesn’t want to move. He likes be...

Santa’s Last Stand (Part Two) Part One here . Me Grandda was in the army, and he used to chop down trees in Wicklow and Wexford. He kept his axe and he gave it to me Da and Da hanged it on the wall. That was ages ago, before Da went away. The dwarf’s axe is much fancier. It’s got jewels on it and everythin’. When you use it in the Old West you can throw it coz the others have revolvers but you can’t throw it any other time. It’s a great way of killin’ Mad Dog McClellan coz the blood spurts out the top of his head when you do. Me Ma had a surprise for me on Christmas Eve. We’ll stay up and wait for Santy, she says. So she got a can of Dutch Gold out of the fridge and left it on the mantelpiece for Santy and she had her wine while we waited and we watched Santa Claus the Movie. I’s very excited waitin’ up for him, but the movie kept me mind off things. After the film, it was dark and I looked over and Ma was asleep on the couch. But I looked at her more closely and her eyes were a little...

Santa’s Last Stand (Part One) I scored me second goal at football practice one evenin’ when I looked in the sky on the other side of the goal and there was Santy’s sledge, trailin’ sparks of magic behind it. It flashed by very quick, an’ I’s the only one who seen it before it vanished. I couldn’t see Santy hisself, or his reindeers, it was too far away. But the coach says it was Santy. I says why is it Santy when it’s not Christmas yet? He says Santy has to collect the toys hisself from all over the world before Christmas. There are some toys like the normal toys we have in Ireland that the elves make but there are other toys made from goat-hair and that, that he has to get for the other kids. That’s what the coach says. So he collects the toys for the kids in Mongo Bongo but he makes the others. But that wasn’t the last I seen of Santy. After I scored me second goal we finished up. I’m the best striker on the team and nearly the best goalie. But when the real match comes, sometimes I...