Ragtag Giggagon

All roads lead to Rome, but...  to where do all Rudds lead? RUM!  

Any or all of the following can be included in ways of telling Sarah Palin what you think: (a) Ignore a private citizen who governed 700,000 people for half a term. (b) Show Sarah Palin two photos, one of PSY, and one of Kim Jong Un. Ask her which of them is the North Korean dictator, and which of them is the South Korean rapper. Then hold her eye and ask: " Aren't they - in fact - the same thing ?" It is the SAME! PERSON! (c) Continue this line of questioning on foreign policy. Ask her "Which of these would you regard as a friend? From the North or the South...or the North? Is it...what?" Look at her quickly. Then ask: " Which is correct: 'Is Iran our allies?', or 'Are Iran our ally?' " Pronounce the terrorist organisation ISIS like iz-iz, before saying "Is ISIS causing friction, or closer contact, between Iran and the United States?" (Then, while she is waiting for extra words, run away.) 9d0 Ask her if she can use...

As the latest season of the Dáil kicked off, there were knives out for the government leader. An Teeschlock Him Very Self, Inda Kinny, faced a series of tough questions after allegations emerged that he had sent a hitman to the home of Garda Commissioner Martin Callinan the night before his resignation. The Garda Commissioner had tendered his notice subsequent to a kerfuffle caused by the novelist Alan Shatter, who made claims that the commissioner shared privileged information about a loudly-shirted surfing-enthusiast lookalike and phone-user. However, it was the bugging of conversations among Gyardai at police stations across the country that proved the Commissioner's undoing. Loudmouth Shatter also walked away at the time. But the canny Inda threw water on the fire by telling everyone there's going to be a date on which the next general election is held. Well done Inda!

CATS:     SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM COUNTS AS QUALITY TIME! SO STOP FOLLOWING ME! STOP! FOLLOWING! ME!

Irish Politicians exposed in Hearing On first hearing, former Labour Minister Pat Rabbitte sounds similar to Sinn Fein's Caoimhin O Caolain. The soundalike revelations were exposed recently when they were both listened to by people who noticed the similarities in timbre and delivery. On second and third hearing, the similarities were confirmed. Pat Rabbitte - former leader of the Labour Party - didn't comment on the soundalike allegations. Since the news broke, further questions have been raised about the similarities between Irish politicians. SINN FEIN AT IT AGAIN For example, Sinn Fein's Caoimhin O Caolain - recently revealed as sounding like former Labour leader Pat Rabbitte - is also the spitting image of another former Labour Party leader, Ruairi Quinn. Claims Caoimhin O Caolain could characteristically call Quinn a closely congruent counterpart is a consonant conclusion all the more apposite with an added assonance. Ruairikins, as he's sometimes known, refused to...

The hero (a Dublin detective working under a UN mandate in a dystopic 2094) is amongst a select few world citizens to travel into space on the first faster-than-light interstellar expedition. Ultimately, he finds himself alone on the vessel, stranded on the lip of a black hole with his faster-than-light engines just powerful enough to keep him stuck there, rather than sucked in. He finds he can communicate with people on Earth, from the vessel, throughout modern history, using his quantum entanglement communications technology - so he can talk to pretty much anybody with a cell phone today, a landline in 1925, or whatever technologies we'll have three hundred years from now. With this comes an implied ability to alter the past and/or the future. His qualifications include former membership of a shady NSA-type surveillance unit in which he started his police career, and from which he consistently requested a transfer coz deep down he's not a bad egg. As the least-s...

This list is not of normal cat behaviors. Many cat "behaviors" are - in fact - entirely imagined. We have a tendency to anthropomorphise our pets, and to attribute decision-making to them where none exists.  The expected behavior is in bold, and beneath is a brief explanation, solution or remedy for your cat's behavior: 1. Your cat is making a plaintive, begging noise. Your stomach is actually making the noise because you drank too much coffee on an empty stomach; your cat is not in the room. 2. Your cat brushes your foot with its tail. Your dressing gown cord brushes your foot. Your cat is not in the room. 3. You hear rustling from a plastic bag in the kitchen. Is it your cat looking for food? In this instance, the carton you put into a plastic bag two hours ago has fallen to the bottom of the bag. It's been ready to slip off the top of the other cardboard in the bag since you binned it. Your cat isn't in the room. 4. With your phone on vibrate, you receive a tex...

Concepts I Like: 1. Paring things back Tell the story in as few words as possible. Exceptions include building atmosphere, but even then, keep it short. 2. Avoiding Description so judgement is left to the reader For instance, use fewer subjective adjectives like "satisfactory", "awe-inspiring". Who finds it satisfying? Who's being awed? Opt for (seemingly) more objective terms like "sufficient" or "extraordinary". Even then, superlatives are NOT good. It's like when people sign off with Best Regards. Are your regards actually the best I can receive, from anyone? If you're telling me that the palace is resplendent - even if it's through the eyes of your narrator, you have not yet blown my mind. 3. The idea that the biggest problem with good writing is the written word The more words you have, the more error-prone your writing, Shirley? You don't want to alienate a readership because they don't like your turn...