Ragtag Giggagon

HERE ARE THE TOP RULES FOR DRIVERS IN LISTICLE FORM! 1. First rule of driving is always, always, always never drink and drive. 2. DON'T let a team of seagulls drive, when one human will do the job more competently. They squabble and they leave feathers EVERYWHERE.   3. Never, ever sing along to a Stevie Wonder hit while driving. Specialists say that vocalising in this manner encourages head movements that are incompatible with safe travel. 4. If you feel drowsy while driving, a great idea is to wait until you have a long stretch of straight road ahead of you. Then, simply close your eyes for ten seconds. Count the seconds down, and open your eyes again. Repeat. Then, try for longer periods. Fifteen seconds, then thirty. Before long, you will find yourself asleep. 5.  There should be an outright ban on honking horns on the radio. Car insurance, car, car mechanic, and car valet advertisers should be fined if they contain any car horn noises. A woman who conducted studies monit...

Following an environmentally-damaging experimental research study at Pfizer's Ringaskiddy facility in County Cork, a massive cloud of synthetic sperm has gone skyward above the entire island of Ireland. TV3's weather forecasts have for the last hour been predicting a number of precipitation-related pregnancies in the coming weeks - precipitated in cities as far north as Donegal, Belfast and London-Derry/Derry/Londonderry by the disastrous experiment. RTE's weather team - s ponsored by Avonmore Soup - have remained completely silent on the issue. #VoteNo Campaigners claim that the experimentation has only been enabled with the passage of the Marriage Equality amendment to Ireland's Constitution via popular referendum yesterday. They further claim that the Pfizer team had been waiting to "go live" with the project for many years. A Pfizer spokesperson says it's no secret they began the research long before confirmation of legislative change . Between 2009 an...

At the William IV venue on Harrow Road, London, there are four movies showing on the first Sunday of June, and it looks like it will be an ongoing occurrence. Q&As will take place with a producer or director from the films. Filmmaker Dziko Kazembe is one of the organisers. A talented writer-director in his own right, he regards it as a great networking opportunity for those in the business that is Show. " It's all about filmmaking, it's all about the arts. It's all about supporting today, tomorrow's filmmakers and actors. So don't forget you saw them first at First Sunday Film and Networking Night." Ticket sourcing for the 7th June event is encouraged from here as entry is a few bob more expensive at front-of-house on the night. Those looking for cast or crew who are about to begin production 9on a movie will be allowed to make appeals for anyone interested on the night; the same goes for anyone who has wrapped and is seeking post-production technical...

This novel pokes fun at bureaucracy and red tape - both official and otherwise - in an Ireland where the stuff is legion. While the frequently common response to a lack of preparation in Ireland is "Ah, sure it'll be grand", we also show an attention to detail that is unnecessary in many aspects of life.   During the economic boom, apparently one could establish a hedge fund at the Irish Financial Services Centre in a matter of hours, a process that would have taken days in London's City or on New York's Wall Street. Conversely, there has always been a toxic Health & Safety / Not Part of My Job Description culture in Ireland too; a very disabling "You can't do that!" philosophy that frequently leaves things in a bit of a shambles. Transport delays in Ireland would result in sackings in other European countries, and perhaps even executions in the 1930s. Frank Maguire has apparently been living in the States for quite a while, and yet he knows wh...

Nick Clegg - RESIGNED Nick Clegg gave a great old debate that won him the hearts and minds of the British voters last time out. Once in government, he made one serious mistake: Doing away with his "Not a child in the house washed" initiative, where he charged 18-22 year olds a hefty fortune to grow brains in their ears.   Photo by Mattbuck. David or Ed Miliband - GONE More lefty than his brother Ed or David, David or Ed Miliband was a part of Roy Chubby Brown's cabal of monstrous madmen, but he was the cute one. Since becoming leader, he has shown a steely resolve in staying leader, even though he is a geek. Not any more! Nigel Farage - BURIED IN CAR PARK The resident warmup act for the European Parliament, Nigel showed gumption by pretending his party wasn't racist, and sacking candidates and MPs who were a bit racist. Blummin' racists. After all, we are each and every one of us humyn beings.* * But then, the party unburied him and took him to hyper-eugenicists i...

ON THE PEN LETTER BY ALL THOSE AUTHORS... The terrorists are not the marginalized. Charlie Hebdo attacked religion and terrorism, and it was pro-Muslims as much as it was anti-Islam, and it was anti-racism. As the late editor said, a cartoon does less harm than a drone. But it's the Algerians and Moroccans living in Paris who are told they can't dress a certain way who are the victims of what the writers regard as cultural prejudice. Not the terrorists. The CH team had guns to their heads and they continued to publish - and that's commendable, and they should be honored. But they were surely aware that many Christians were killed in riots in the Middle East and in Africa, with the Danish cartoons? That's not the Charlie Hebdo team's fault. That's extremist terror. Nobody is saying that these writers would side with terrorists or murderous protestors against Charlie Hebdo. They ought to defend the rights of the Charlie Hebdo group, to their own deat...