Ragtag Giggagon

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: A TEMPORARY CHANGE IN CIRCUMSTANCE AND A SHIFT IN POWER (PART 2 )  Continued from the pr olog ue of Chapter 2 1 .   An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan is a mock surreal autobiography. Its first chapter is here . I t parodies misery memoirs (such as Angela’s Ashes by the late great Frank McCourt), as well as ti me travel and science fiction ele ments and other literature of v arious kinds - mainly Iri sh, b ut very often not . Very often.             Well, having fully digested the trout of fierce intelligence , replete as it was in amazing fish oils, my smarts faded after my next passing and I was reduced once more to an incredibly talented yet not abnormally intelligent young revolutionary.                 Tancred, Sean, Fletch, John and myself began the process of establishing a new local government within my hometown, with me as the provisional mayor, f...

The breasts of Kat Dennings - busty brunette Max Black in the television sitcom Two Broke Girls - have successfully carried the ratings success into its third season . CBS announced the renewal of the hit series for the 2013-2014 broadcast season, with the decolletage of the actress once more succeeding where the writing, acting, and general tone of the sitcom have completely failed. Contract negotiations between CBS and Dennings' bust had stalled late last year, but a Super Bowl commercial for 2 Broke Girls in February once more brought the breasts to the attention of network executives, reminding them of their prominence in the show's success. In the initial stages of the show's production, CBS execs had been "lactose intolerant" when it came to recognition of the pair, believing that if the producers placed greater emphasis on the back-and-forth, spirited banter between Dennings and the blonde one, the sitcom might prove popular. There was no discernible im...

A swarm of locusts - the largest since the 1950s - has infested Madagascar. However, there has been a holdup over the country's application for assistance. The president of Madagascar, Andry Rajoelina , pictured, has been asked for identification to confirm his age - which he claims as 37 years - as he appeals to the international community to help deal with the crisis. "Age corruption" is rife in the country, with many eleven and twelve year olds recently exposed as being too young to sit in the newly re-constituted government, having spent entire careers "playing hooley-booley" or "bunking off" from sneaker stitching school. The practice of corrupt children turning to politics in such an underhand way has led to a popular tongue twister in Madagascar, involving the stitching up of sneaky stitchers snitching. And, of course, mitching: Mitching that means a higher price for your Air Jordans at the check-out.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: A TEMPORARY CHANGE IN CIRCUMSTANCE AND A SHIFT IN POWER (PART 1)  Continued from the end of Chapter 20 . An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan is a mock surreal autobiography. Its first chapter is here . I t parodies misery memoirs (such as Angela’s Ashes by the late great Frank McCourt), as well as ti me travel, pop c ult ure, and literature of v arious kinds . CHAPTER PROLOGUE: Using The SNOPES FACILITY to suss things out             However, I digress. Melanie Tiptoft - who had declared her undying love for me - was slowly but shoorly turning into a simiAN other than womAN. Those two words have the same ending, so if I was to apply any logic to the problem at all , at all, I was sure to find a cure. I felt a bit miserable that Floudh Rak had disappeared without curing this posh Englishwoman. He had cast other spells, o f course, and it was necessary to find cures for all of them.    ...

See our previous listings here ! JOB ADVERTS Misunderesty r matered superpowder leeder kneeds freinds for retirment parttee in 2 yee’rs time. BYYB. Figgered 14 yeer’s is enuf. GBW. Buddhist monk seeks petrol for peaceful fireworks display/barbecue. No such resources in homeland due to nefarious pillag ing by communist overlords. Intellectually-redundant journalists required to fill remaining 5% of posts in US media corporations currently held by slightly observant people.     LONELY HEARTS Stunning celeb seeks rockstar husband to raise international profile yet again! Three used owners. Contact P Kensit, PO Box 1820. Talib an widower, 62, NSOH, seeks submissive, masochistic teen virgin for immediate marriage, maybe beatings. Lost last wife in stoning incident following gang-rape.     WANTED/FOR SALE Comic artist keen to indirectly kill eighty Christians in the Middle East - coz he wants to continue to be a smartass - seeks whisk and bowl full of excrement....

Give this a go! It’s not hard and it will blow your mind because it’s very clever and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can’t! I know all this because I’m very clever in some ways but not very clever in other ways! My friend who’s an orthopaedic surgeon says the trick is because of genetic predisposition! The reason a doctor is my friend is because in some ways I’m very clever. 1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. That’s not the clever bit. 2. While making your foot-circles, draw the number “6” in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction! Well? I’m right! I told you I was half-clever!!! See??? Amazing!!! And there’s nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how silly it is, but before the day is done you will try it again, if you haven’t already done so. I know this because I’m half-clever! Also, as soon as yo...

Chapter 20: A bit of spillage and a whole lot of problems (Part 2) Continued from Cha pter 20 Part 1 . Act II – Scene II EXT A STREET - 1987 – AFTERNOON HUNT AND DRAKE EMERGE, SPRINTING, ONTO THE STREET FROM A SIDESTREET. HUNT So that’s the end of that, then. DRAKE Looks like it’s back to our boring old lives. (SIGHS.) HUNT I’ll miss him. DRAKE Me too. (PAUSE.) He was very sexy. SUDDENLY, FLANAGAN COMES SPRINTING OUT FROM THE SAME SIDESTREET, BREATHING HEAVILY. FLANAGAN Hunt! Drake! I’m back! DRAKE (EXCHANGES GLANCES WITH GENE) No…we just sent you home in a car. FLANAGAN You sent me home – but now I’m back again! HUNT (THUMBING AT THE PATCH OF TARMAC.) No…we only sent you back two minutes ago. FLANAGAN (LOOKING AT EACH OF THEM) Are you…are you sure? DRAKE Yeah. Do you not remember? You just shagged Gene’s car back to your timeline? FLANAGAN Oh. (A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.) Okay then. Right, well…see you then. HUNT All the best, Jippy ! (BLACK AND WHITE FLASHES START TO FILL FLANAGAN’S FO...

Chapter 20: A bit of spillage and a whole lot of problems (Part 1)  An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan is a mock surreal autobiography. Its first chapter is here . It parodies misery memoirs (such as Angela’s Ashes by the late great Frank McCourt), as well as science fiction, pop culture, and literature of various kinds.   Cont inued f rom the end of Chapter 19 .             Billy Boy Cullen set to work painting a huge mural on my apartment wall. He stood back to view his work – a dark mountain with hints of red to indicate the streams of lava descending the rugged slopes.             Melanie Tiptoft – now more chimp than woman – sat at the table watching Billy Boy with his Rolf Harris paints, admiring his work. Photo courtesy of John_X   She was eating her sandwiches. She looked at the doodles that Billy Boy Cullen had drawn of motor cars on his clipboard. As...