An Early Childhood Chapter 17 Part 2

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: A SUBPLOT WITH A PLOT, OR VICE VERSA (PART 2)

Continued from Chapter 17 Part 1.

 

 


Act I – Scene II

INT. LONDON METROPOLITAN POLICE STATION, 1987 – AFTERNOON

GENE HUNT, ALEX DRAKE, RAY CARLING, CHRIS SKELTON, SHARON GRANGER AND EIGHT OTHER DETECTIVES ARE GATHERED AROUND LOOKING AGOG AT PADDY FLANAGAN AS HE STANDS UP. HE IS WEARING FRILLY UNDERWEAR AND A PAIR OF SUSPENDERS AND IS COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE IN A THIN FILM OF LIQUID. ALL OF THE OTHER OFFICERS ARE ALSO SPLASHED IN THE LIQUID

ALEX
What is this vile liquid?

SHAZZ
I’m not sure, ma’am.

ALEX
Eurrggh!

FLANAGAN
Where am I, exactly?

CHRIS
Does this mean that we’re covered in his…?

SHAZZ
Whose?

FLANAGAN
I…I…I’m a bit discombobulatered altogether.

CHRIS
Wait a second – I have a question here. Are we all covered…in…?

FLANAGAN
Put me back in the cake! I want to go back – back to the Twenties!

SHAZZ
From his silly banter, this man covered in his own silky muck seems to be a time traveller, ma’am. It appears that he had to be covered in birthing fluids in order to be “reborn” in the future – or today’s present…

ALEX
Yes, yes, of course…but it doesn’t excuse the fact that he’s covered in his own filthy guy-juices!

FLANAGAN
It’s ectoplasm! Or else it's from a fox! Do you understand?

RAY
Wait a second here…if this is my birthday present…well then it’s a present for fucking poofters! I can’t be having that! (PAUSE. LOOKS AT FLANAGAN SEXILY.) But I would love to take him home and give him a good roger---beating. A good beating. (LOOKS TO GENE.) Guv?

HUNT
No, Raymond.

RAY
It is my birthday!

HUNT
NO! This man is in breach of several laws of Physics. And biology. How did he manage to produce so much… (MAKES DISGUSTED FACE.)

FLANAGAN
It’s ectoplasm! Do you not understand what I’m saying?

SHARON
And of course, sir, we cannot fail to pick up on the significance of the folding of space time via a birthday cake. Which is, in and of itself, a cultural symbol of age and time.

GENE
Nice detective work, Shazza. If I need to know anything about time loops and breaches of the four dimensions, I’ll be in touch with you…rather than DOCTOR FUCKING WHO!!! In the meantime, Raymondo, could you take Mr Jippy Longstockings here to the showers? Wash him down and give him some period clothing – then we’ll find out why he’s here!

Act I – Scene III

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – 1987 – AFTERNOON

ALEX DRAKE AND GENE HUNT ARE SITTING OPPOSITE FLANAGAN, WHO IS SITTING IN A HAWAIIAN TEE SHIRT AND A PAIR OF STONE WASHED CHINOS. THERE IS NOW ALSO A STREAK OF BLOND HAIR THROUGH HIS FRINGE, WHICH HAS BECOME A QUIFF. HE IS ALSO WEARING A THICK MOUSTACHE.

FLANAGAN (IMPATIENTLY)
This is the last time I’m going to tell you. I was shot…with fluids…by a fox…in a fantasy land…which was opened for me…by the business boy apple salesboy…Billy Boy Cullen. What part of that do neither of you understand?

(PAUSE. THEY LOOK AT HIM, AND HE LOOKS AT EACH OF THEM IN TURN.)

ALEX (LOOKING AT GENE, SADNESS IN HER TONE)
No…he’s…he’s still delusional. (PAUSE.) It’s so sad, because he’s so handsome. (EMITS A HIGH PITCHED SQUEAK.)

Continued in Act I Scene IV.

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