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An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan is a mock, surreal autobiography by a fictional Irish literary figurehead, champion bodhrán player and broadcaster. AN EARLY CHILDHOOD Please check out the first part of the first chapter here . The second part of Chapter 1 is here .  T he first part of Chapter 2 is here . The second part of Chapter 2 is here. The f irst part of Chapter 3 is here .  The second part of C hapter 3 is here . The first part of Chapter 4 is here . The second part is here .  The third part of Chapter 4 is here . The first part of Chapter 5 is here . The second part of Chapter 5 is here . Chapter S ix begins after the death of Paddy's first donkey, Massal Byug Dove, in a snow storm. After it had keeled over and expired, Paddy spent some months inside the dead animal in order to keep warm before the thaw allowed him to return home to witness his own funeral service . He has no w been back home some time . And now, the contin

An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan is a mock, surreal autobiography by a fictional Irish literary figurehead, champion bodhrán player and broadcaster. AN EARLY CHILDHOOD Please check out the first part of the first chapter here . The second part of Chapter 1 is here .  T he first part of Chapter 2 is here . The second part of Chapter 2 is here. The f irst part of Chapter 3 is here .  The second part of C hapter 3 is here . The first part of Chapter 4 is here . The second part is here .  The third part of Chapter 4 is here .  The first part of Chapter 5 is here . CHAPTER FIVE: MY CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY INSIDE A DONKEY AND TWO FAMILY ANIMALS LOST IN THE ONE GO ( PART TWO )                 And wasn’t the whole parish only deserted save for the tumbleweed rolling across the dirt when I got back. And me all red and withered and I collapsed in Mister Deakey’s coal scuttle and I dozed for nigh on twenty minutes, marking off each minute with the piece of ch

An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan AN EARLY CHILDHOOD Please check out the first part of the first chapter here . The second part of Chapter 1 is here .  T he first part of Chapter 2 is here . The second part of Chapter 2 is here. The f irst part of Chapter 3 is here .  The second part of C hapter 3 is here . The first part of Chapter 4 is here . The second part is here .  The third part of Chapter 4 is here . CHAPTER FIVE: MY CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY INSIDE A DONKEY AND TWO FAMILY ANIMALS LOST IN THE ONE GO ( PART ONE )                 After my recovery, Mother thought it would be a good thing if I got out to see the countryside a bit, and take in the fresh country air, reeking of manure. But Mother’s smell wasn’t the important thing: Twas her insistence that I go to recuperate.                 So she set a task for me, and it was an errand whereby I had to go two hundred miles inland to Aunt Molly’s farmhouse and drink two kegs of stout before returning home to build up the shtrengt. So

Hello. I'm Doctor Wayne Fox. I get the impression that you want to get in touch with me, but I haven't checked my cards yet. I don't know if I'm going to use the cards for this. It all depends on YOU. If I find myself getting a vibration from the token ring ethernet fibers - or even if you're contacting me using cloud computing technology - I might be able to work with you from the backend of the technology. I won't need the cards. Just from the vibrations. And the technology. At the back end. So call me, or you can contact Dame Trixibelle Fartyknickers or you can also contact Flahavan the Eunuch Psychic . Amy Hi. My name’s Amy White. I need dating advice. I met this gorgeous guy called Zane for dinner. We’d been set up by my friend Ellen. He was a tanned, toned investment fund manager with sparkling blue eyes and blond hair. He took me for a wonderful meal in one of the best restaurants in the city. When we were ordering our drinks, my date looked at the wine

AN EARLY CHILDHOOD The first part of Chapter 4 is here . The second part is here . CHAPTER FOUR: MY FIRST HOLIES AND THE BUBONICS (PART T HREE )                 When in the hospital attempting to overcome my infection, I fell even more ill with what I beli eve might have been a Masters in Business Administration, but I was in a state known as delirium-reversal because there was a fourteen-year-old beauty in the bed across the way and we made love every night for seven days and seven nights, and none of it Arabian, but there was no reverse delirium involved in the act of passion. The delirium reversal simply meant that I looked a lot better looking and appeared more handsome than I actually was to this beautiful young lassie. It was quite a lucky infection in that sense.                 By the end of my stay in hospital, however, I was truly at death’s door. The eyes had sunk so far into my head that I had to use three mirrors, one at my buttocks, one above the top of my shc

I don't get it. There could be 4 fifths of a second between the Olympic gold and whoever in some of these events, right? And that could be the difference between gold and coming last.   And you have these athletes doing their Personal Best or breaking their national records or whatever, right? Everybody's doing a PB at the Games, and doing another PB in the final if they reach it. Can they not do a PB at the track & field meeting in Ballyhaunis or the Tri-Athy Triathlon?   Go Jeem TB! So that Laura Trott won with her cycling. But that Victoria girl is the one doing the shampoo ads , claiming that her hair requires all the nutrients it can absorb because cycling is tough on the follicles! The shampoo people backed the wrong horse. Trott notwithstanding, the shampoo cartel should've actually backed the horse and the chap who won the team gold medal in the show jumping.  "I'm Nick Skelton. I'm pushing 60, and 10 years ago I broke my bloody neck. Why? B

AN EARLY CHILDHOOD The first part of Chapter 4 is here . The continuation is below.   CHAPTER FOUR: MY FIRST HOLIES AND THE BUBONICS (PART TWO)               All of this brings back memories of my First Holy Communion, which actually took place the following morning. And four months before, we had a practice run in school. And we all queued up like they do at Mass excepting that we weren’t in the Church, but were rather in the schoolhouse. And we each got a little white wafer with I.N.L.A. printed on it, excepting, without doubt, that it wasn’t blessed. And the teacher, Brother Christian Fucker, smashed his fist into little Tadhg Brennan’s already broken face before informing us: “Now, children, you can eat this blessed host because tisn’t blessed. When you’re making your Holy Communion in the not too distant future, the blessed host will be blessed.”                 So each of us got a wafer. Mine tasted like a wafer. But sure, I wondered what the blessed stuff w

Ask Flahavan! Flahavan is a psychic arsonist with exceptionally enhanced extra sensory perception. Flahavan Ext 666 Hello. Me name Flahavan. Me ammo a eunuch psychic. This is correct. Me ammo the best – ONE the best – eunuch psychics in the world. I flap the cards to see your future! Alongside with Lady Miss Trixibelle Merriweather and Dr Wayn e Fox, I vill provide the cards for your future for the whole show! The whole kid and kaboocklah dána! Lady Miss Trixibelle Merriweather Ext Fibonacci Dr Wayne Fox Ext 333   So call me now or I’ll bleedin’ bursht yeh! This one big time opportunity for you – the only opportunity for you to love me long time! Five dolla! Ten dolla! Today! As tomorrow, I go to Ljubljana for special event! It is Festivales am стряпчий по темным делам! I am the primo expert numero uno! I am the priority coz me ammo a eunuch psychic! Because I am the best eunuch psychic! Phone me now please or else e-mail me please or I’ll bleedin ' rip da baalleex off ya! So make

An uncut and unedited version of World War II (actually Episode Five, if you count the prequels) - complete with bloopers and outtakes on a bonus DVD - has finally been released some sixty seven years after shooting wrapped up over Japan in 1945 with an explosive climax. The World War 2 DVDs have been digitally remastered, with a more natural, "organic" split dividing it in two at the end of the Battle of Midway. It is also a lot more "mushroom heavy" than previous releases. For the first time since the original release of World War 2, it has been compiled into a marathon box set rather than the serial or "battle and campaign" formats in which it had heretofore been available. The actual war opens with what was originally a blooper that has never before made the final cut. The outtake shows British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain returning from Munich to London, holding aloft a piece of paper promising "peace in our time". Although Chamberlain

“An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan” is a mock, surreal autobiography by a fictitious Irish television and radio personality. It parodies misery memoirs (such as Angela’s Ashes by the late great Frank McCourt) and cannibalises from various sources.   Please check out the first part of the first chapter here . The second part of Chapter 1 is here .   T he first part of Chapter 2 is here . The second part of Chapter 2 is here. The f irst part of Chapter 3 is here .  The second part of C hapter 3 is here . CHAPTER FOUR: MY FIRST HOLIES AND THE BUBONICS (PART 1)               My First Holy Confessional was beyond doubt one of the most anti-Protestant events the parish had ever experienced. Mother dressed me up in her best velvet evening gown, she gave me the family heirloom passed down to her from her great great great grandmother, Jacinta Tomfoolery, which was a string of beads with a little locket on it depicting the first helicopter flight of the 1550’s, a good fifty-six years