Northern Ireland was brought before the international courts yesterday for impersonating Australia. The province was found to be masquerading as a map of the much larger landmass in a sting operation undertaken by a unit of the International Map Surveying and Dialects Institute in Berne and the Police Service of Northern Ireland (known as the Penis NI).
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| Northern Ireland above, masquerading as a map of Australia |
Members of the Institute's unit almost immediately recognized glaring errors on the map, but on zooming in on just a few of the Australian states, they also agreed that the map's wording was more in keeping with a standard Ulster accent, rather than more conventional English. For example, the state of New South Wales was rendered as "Nyoo Soyth Weels", a clear indicator of a beautiful lilting Fermanagh twang at best - and at worst, a horrific, guttural, moany, whiny excuse for the English language.
Northern Ireland now faces a possible prison sentence, as it has been found guilty of masquerading as Australia a number of times in the past, and subsequently fined by the UN.
However, the province's audacity in continuing to impersonate the much more massive southern continent indicates that a more severe punishment - requiring non-binding international legislation to be changed - may result in Northern Ireland actually disappearing altogether from some maps.
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| A rendering of how Northern Ireland should actually appear |
Many people in both the rest of the UK and in the Republic of Ireland have been attempting to completely ignore Northern Ireland for decades, as it has continued to bang on about things as if it was the actual size of Australia, while little heed has been paid to it. It has caused a lot of high maintenance strife and has insisted on plenty of money and time and stuff. Critics of Northern Ireland say that an internationally sanctioned prison sentence could be the wakeup call that the province actually needs.
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